The couple map: your two MBTI types, letter by letter
Five scenes from a long-distance relationship, told for your two types.
Click a row to see its scene
Why no scoreAcross more than 23,000 married couples, being alike did not make partners happier together (Dyrenforth et al. 2010).
The first visit
He comes to see her for five days.
She has planned to introduce him to her whole group of friends, then to her mother on Sunday. He came a long way to see her, and spends his evenings at a table of ten, in a language he barely understands. By night, he stops talking.
Him“I liked your friends. Tomorrow, can it be just the two of us?”
- Announce outings in advance: an introvert prepares for them.
- A group speaking a foreign language is twice as tiring: keep it short.
- She can see her friends without him one evening; it is not a rejection.
Why there is no compatibility score
The MBTI compatibility charts that circulate rank pairs of types from “ideal” to “avoid”. No study supports them.
The largest study on the question followed more than 23,000 married couples in Australia, the United Kingdom and Germany (Dyrenforth et al., 2010). Being alike added almost nothing to how satisfied couples were. What counts is what each partner brings.
A meta-analysis of 19 samples (Malouff et al., 2010) links a person’s satisfaction to four traits of their partner: emotional stability, agreeableness, conscientiousness and extraversion. The effects are small.
So the map does something else. For each letter, it describes the scene your pair is likely to go through and what helps you get through it. Two different letters are not a flaw, two identical letters are not a guarantee.
The five letters in a long-distance relationship
A relationship between a Western man and a Slavic woman starts at a distance: calls almost every evening, visits of a few days, tickets and visas to arrange. Each letter of the type weighs on a specific moment of that period.
E or I: the first visit
The extravert recharges with other people, the introvert in quiet. During five days together, one wants to show everything and introduce everyone, the other needs time alone to last the week. Planning that time into the programme keeps it from being read as a lack of interest.
N or S: evening calls
The intuitive talks about ideas and the future, the sensing type about facts and the present. At a distance, calls carry almost the whole relationship: one talks plans, the other their day, and each can find the conversation empty. Taking turns between the two, and saying so, is often enough.
T or F: the first argument
The logical partner decides with arguments, the feeling partner with what the decision does to people. By text, without a tone of voice, a logical “ok” reads as coldness. An argument that starts in writing ends better on a call.
J or P: the next visit
The planner wants dates, tickets and a programme; the spontaneous partner prefers to decide on the spot. Yet a visit between two countries needs a visa and tickets booked weeks ahead. Settling together what has to be settled leaves everything else open.
A or T: an unanswered message
The fifth letter, added by the 16Personalities test, measures sensitivity to stress. A message left unanswered all day does not weigh the same for both. Agreeing on a simple sign for when you cannot reply, even a single word, takes a lot of tension away.
Knowing your type and guessing hers
The most reliable option is the free 16Personalities test: about twelve minutes, five letters and five percentages. The percentages matter as much as the letters: an E at 51% is almost an I.
To guess the other person’s type, the “Guess her type” button asks five questions about what you have already seen of her. Her token moves on the map with each answer. It is an estimate: the best is still to suggest the test to her and compare your two results.
A type says nothing about what holds a long-distance couple together: the life plan, the country to live in, children, the age gap you accept. Our 25-question compatibility test covers those points.
For the calls and messages themselves, see our guide to long-distance communication with a Russian woman.
Frequently asked questions
Which MBTI types are the most compatible in a relationship?
No study singles out a pair of types as more compatible than another. Across more than 23,000 married couples, similarity of personality added almost nothing to satisfaction (Dyrenforth et al., 2010). The compatibility charts that circulate rest on no data. The map describes instead the scenes each pair goes through and what helps.
Do two people of the same type make a better couple?
No. Two identical types share the same reflexes, blind spots included: two planners fight over the programme, two stress-sensitive partners worry together. Studies find no consistent advantage in being alike.
What do A and T at the end of the type mean?
They are the letters added by the 16Personalities test: A for Assertive, T for Turbulent. They measure sensitivity to stress, which the four MBTI letters leave out. It is the closest to emotional stability, one of the traits studies link to a partner’s satisfaction.
Is the MBTI reliable?
It sorts into two camps preferences that vary continuously. Someone close to 50% on an axis can switch letters when retaking the test: according to Pittenger (1993), up to half of people get a different type five weeks later. The percentages in the result say more than the letters alone.
How can I find out my partner’s type?
The simplest way is to suggest the free 16Personalities test, available in Russian, then compare your two results. Without the test, the five questions behind the “Guess her type” button give an estimate based on what you have already observed.
Does the Valentin Love agency use the MBTI?
Every client sends us his 16Personalities result, with its five percentages. It is a guide for preparing the first exchanges and the first visit. The criteria that decide an introduction remain the country to live in, children and the age gap.
Sources and limits
The studies cited
- Dyrenforth, Kashy, Donnellan and Lucas, 2010, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology: three national samples of married couples (Australia 5,278, United Kingdom 6,554, Germany 11,418). Similarity of personality adds nothing consistent to what each partner brings.
- Malouff, Thorsteinsson, Schutte, Bhullar and Rooke, 2010, Journal of Research in Personality: meta-analysis of 19 samples, 3,848 people. A partner’s emotional stability, agreeableness, conscientiousness and extraversion go with the other’s satisfaction; the effects are small.
- McCrae and Costa, 1989: four MBTI letters correspond to four of the Big Five personality traits; none of them measures emotional stability.
What the map does not say
- A type describes preferences, not a person. An E at 51% and an E at 92% do not live a visit the same way.
- The scenes and tips are the agency’s own guidelines. They do not come from studies.
- Five questions give an estimate. For a reliable result, take the free 16Personalities test.
- MBTI and Myers-Briggs Type Indicator are registered trademarks of The Myers-Briggs Company. This page is not affiliated with it, uses only the four-letter codes and does not reproduce the official questionnaire. 16Personalities is a trademark of NERIS Analytics, also without affiliation.
Talk about your plans
The strategy interview is a one-hour video call with Valentin, for €90. You leave with 48 hours of access to our members’ profiles and an honest answer about your plans.
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